HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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