FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
