I just threw up on my dentist
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I have fence marks all over my body
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
