I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
