This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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