Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
