Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
