Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
