I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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