Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
