No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
