i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
