he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
