haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i will never coherently bang her
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
