her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
