$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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