what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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