I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
