What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
