dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
