i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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