After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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