I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize