she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
