I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
