This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
