The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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