I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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