The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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