a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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