Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
