don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
