Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
