she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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