well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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