How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
In other news, I just burned my penis
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
