Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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