Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
