SEEEEXXX PLEASE
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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