Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
