He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
