somebody snuck up and got me drunk
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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