i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
