I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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