He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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