Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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