omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
