By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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