Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
