guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
