thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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