Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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