your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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