Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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