dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Someone signed my nipple.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize