Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
