hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
