oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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