How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
