just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I wish there were birth control emojis
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
