why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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