and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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