smell my finger.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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