Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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