Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
