I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I looked at my own cervix.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
