I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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