remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
