When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My dick has a subreddit
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We need to get me chipped asap
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
