stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I love you. Go after that dick
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
