This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
