I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize