Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
there's paper in my vomit.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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