alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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