i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
