I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Congratulations! We have a period
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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