i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
