It's just like the Real World with babies
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Well I just put wine in my tea
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
