I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize