I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
