i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
