Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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