if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
