Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
