Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
