This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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