I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
