Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize