I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
