i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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