Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize