I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
