I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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