stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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