Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
