Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
