This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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