if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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