Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
