Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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