things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
