Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
